SMASH IT

So it’s my friend’s wedding and finally, I am going to be a best man. You don’t know how much I have wanted to do this even if it's just once. I could boast of having been a page boy and one of the groom's men a couple of times. But being the best man? That’s one trophy my cabinet wishes to display. Okay, I turned down being the wedding's official photographer...so what? But then, l was quick to make an alternative arrangement for the job, which at least met my (very high) standards. Therefore, permit me to bask in this momentous euphoria of being a best man for if it took almost 29 years for this one to come, I wonder when the next one would be.

1,2,3,4 and still counting, it seems 2013 is the year all my pals had been waiting for to get married. Should I be scared that I alone would remain unmarried by the start of the coming year? Not really! Even if every of my friends do marry, I am sure a certain Akin omo Akin would keep me company in the Single’s League (and I'm convinced he'd call me names after seeing this...lol). So the list of friends' child’s naming also grew. Hmmm, it seems these guys are sprinting to the point of flying, leaving a very huge gap for some of us to cover. Now for the ones that bought cars? The list was quite large. I paused momentarily to ask myself what was happening to me. I've got no wife let alone kids and I haven’t yet bought a car as I would have loved to. For a moment it looked like I have failed myself using the self evaluation pattern in comparison with my friends’ visible achievements. Jealousy enveloped me (at least temporarily). I was partially embittered; I kicked myself for not having something to at least show off or flaunt. Grrgh!!! My teeth bore the brunt as I ground them against one another.

Then I remembered! My Book of Bible Stories! That thick orange-covered book we read in primary school. I recollect the story of Cain and Abel; both successful individuals in their own way. One was a shepherd and the other a hunter. So there came this period where they had to make an offering, one gave his best while the other gave scrap of his produce. Of course, Abel’s offering was in turn accepted while that of Cain rejected. Foolish Cain got so jealous and angry, he became the first murderer ever recorded for killing his brother (not a super story thriller). 

Many of us are in no way different from Cain. Did I hear you say "I didn’t kill anyone."? You don’t have to but haven’t we silently or, perhaps, openly murdered our neighbour's character whose little edge seemed to be more glaring to the world? One thing I tried to figure out was if Cain had offered the best in his arsenal, would his offering have been rejected? (Certainly a topic for another day). So why the need to murder another for losing out in, allow me to call it, a contest? Did jealousy grow into hatred in Cain's heart so much that he needed to prove a point? Hey! Tell me you don’t get jealous too, willingly or otherwise? Spare me the self righteous attitude; we all do at times (most times for some). We beat ourselves for not having the things others have; we subject ourselves to undue pressure and pain for the successful achievements of others which we seem not to have, forgetting that no matter what, there is something about us to be grateful for. Cain wasn’t a failure in the business sense; perhaps if he had evaluated the reason for his failures in terms of goods sacrifised, he would have made adequate adjustments next time. So also if we search a little more keenly, we would discover we have achieved some great feats, rather than becoming locked in envy because of another’s achievement. 

Just this year, in all modesty, I spent a whopping one million naira on photo equipment; just this year, I thought of some other business concepts; this year alone, I spent more thousands of naira on a change of wardrobe than ever before. I looked at my itinerary for the remaining months and seeing the events I still have to cover, I smiled. So I might not be as rich as Dangote or be a groom like my friends - Odun, Yomco, Sola et al. I may not drive an End of Discussion like my Budgit IT founder friend but trust me, I haven’t been lazy nor have I made insufficient progress. If I have got nothing enticing to flaunt, I know I have got a thriving firm and some great ideas soon to be birthed. Chai!! So why the unwarranted negative feeling called jealousy? 

Priorities of individuals differ and that’s what counts. That someone decides to travel out doesn’t make him better or more successful than those who choose to stay back, after all the gates to nations are certainly not yet closed. Success is relative, hence you can’t and shouldn’t judge yourself with the template of others; you mustn’t place yourself running other people’s race because you certainly won’t win. Judge yourself via the accomplishments you have witnessed in your race and see if you have or haven’t made progress. If the latter is the case, work on yourself and fix the areas which pulled you back and (trust me) in just a short while, you would see yourself shooting up far beyond every Abel you once saw. My point is this: damn the jealousy, smash it into pieces, rejoice with others whose success is evident and celebrated while you finish in grand style the task that has been set before you. If there is something you must always remember, it is the fact that nobody, absolutely nobody, can marry your own spouse, nobody can own your car, no one can run your race. We all have different scripts and in each script there is a different shining moment for all. Break the jealousy, smash it completely and celebrate your proud achievements as you are the best you can ever be.

Congrats to all my friends! You sure would be invited when my time comes. It’s not about who first gets to the finish line, it’s about we all crossing the finish line and being decorated with a shiny gold medal.

Written by Olukokun Adedeji