I stood there, dressed to the
nines, with a bouquet of beautiful and luxuriant flowers in my hand. It was not
a black tie event, but I wanted her to see me looking dapper. Memories of her
flooded my mind and with a deep sigh, I wondered how I had managed to stay this
long without saying hi.
She, the beautiful soul, the
desire of many...how ever did it happen? How did there come to exist such a
wide chasm between us? It seemed like eons ago since we began a historic
movement of the emotions. You and I both, we had a connection, and you'd cut my
heart to find it bleeding for you, the object of my deepest affection.
I look fondly at the magic
moments, the days of fun and sun, wine and laughter, cherries and blossoms. I
messed it all up, always procrastinating when thoughts of you pass through my
mind. I often made excuses to justify the emptiness, but now I feel downcast.
My heart is a cloud heavy with rain, and, with tears welling in my eyes, I
realize I want you back.
My mind is sure made up and
having got this opportunity to find you once again, there is no losing you this
time. In my mind I already played how the moments would be… would we lay on the
beach beneath a starry sky, holding glasses of wine, recalling moments of
yesteryears? Or would we have a more official approach, sit down at a coffee
table forgetting any limits while we talk for hours? Shall we just make
it more natural and refreshingly beautiful by meeting up in a park or zoo,
admiring the beautiful landscape while enjoying the company of the beautiful
creatures prancing around? I don’t know for sure, but it’s got to be special.
Just has to be.
“Hello! My name is Seye. I am
Toyin’s dad. Aren’t you Deji, her friend from secondary school?” I nodded
eagerly, excited at the fact that I hadn’t been completely forgotten. “Yes, I
am Sir.” I responded. “Hmmm, good to see you after so many years,” he muttered.
You know Mother Luck has smiled
on you when you get that kind of warm reception, but while we were engrossed in
chatting, flitting from one topic to the next, impatience tore me apart inside,
for all that mattered to me was to see my beloved, my best friend and longtime
crush. I had borne the weight of this burden for years, not knowing if I would
get a Yea or Nay reception, but I must declare my feelings this time and I
mustn’t flunk it. I had not travelled 5261 miles over 30000 feet above sea
level to fumble with finesse. At this thought, my courage level shot to a
record high. “This is it,” I smiled to myself, “The time is now.”
“So, let’s make this a
surprise. I would take you where she is without giving her a heads up.” Papa is
trying to create a magical moment, I thought to myself. “Sounds like a great plan!”
My face lit up with a customary broad smile, and like two buddies on a mission,
we struck a deal.
We pulled over at a nearby
clinic where Toyin’s dad worked, after driving for what seemed like a long time
and all I could do to keep sane was count the heartbeats of the engine during
the journey. I am glad that the wait is finally over!
I heard Toyin had pursued a
nursing career, following her dad in the medical line. I imagined different
scenarios of how special the reunion would be. What if she wasn’t as excited to
see me, after all I was the one who abandoned a glowing friendship.
Anticipation soon displaced my fears and my eyes sought to behold only one
person, Toyin Tomato as I fondly call
her. I sprang out of the car before it barely stopped, adjusted my suit and
checked to confirm that my shirt was still neatly tucked in.
As we walked through the
building, it turned out that the old man was Mr. Congeniality as he kept waving
to X, hugging Y and shaking hands with Z, till we got to a room around the
corner in the east of the building. “This is not an office,” I thought, as
curiosity drained my emotions. The door flung wide open and the joy of my
delightful expectations was rudely cut short.
I doubted that the figure on
the bed was the Toyin I knew, but her face hadn’t changed despite her
present frail-looking frame. “Papi,
what happened?” I struggled to ask. “My son,” he responded, “cancer has eaten
deep into our blossoming flower like a relentless leech. The cancer is at its
last stage and Toyin has little or no chance to survive." Like a couple
patiently awaiting the delivery of their first child, the family has resigned
to fate and await when the flower would be plucked off Garden Earth. I wept
uncontrollably. So many questions rushed through my mind… would she have
survived if I had been around her? Was she lonely or depressed all through
these moments? “Why Why Why?” my head screamed. I took baby steps towards the
bed, staggering for strength as I walked across the room. As I held her feeble
hand, guilt enveloped me for one particular reason, I sure wasn’t there for her
when she needed me. She had suffered pain and neglect because I abandoned her.
Toyin was the love I forsook. She reached out to me several times but I refused
to respond.
How much has procrastination eaten deep into your
life? How has laziness given you a cruel identity? What/who is your Toyin? What
are those things you have abandoned that has led to an unusual famine? I am not
necessarily talking about big things (like personal Vision 20:20:20’s) but
about caring for loved ones or the people that matter. Think about the
abandoned talents left to die a slow death in the gutter, the ambitions that
wait to become top priority.
What are those dry bones seeking to rise again?
Let me come out straight, my writing career had been
dormant for over 3 years and this was caused by the I-will-do-it-soon/later
syndrome. It recently dawned on me that my last article was written in 2014! Wow! Despite all the calls and questions
I kept getting, I would always respond by saying I would write something soon.
I had become friends with procrastination it now knew me by name and took me on
the ride of inactivity for many months. Now I understand better the scripture: “Yet a little sleep, a little
slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, So
shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.”
It is amazing how we can drift
away from the things and people that matter because we failed to check on them
regularly. Like a machine, what you don’t oil is prone to spoil, what you don’t
run is vulnerable to rust, what you don’t nurture is likely to rupture. Lack of
necessary activity could lead to a stunted growth, a devastating drought one
whose recovery might never be achievable or perhaps easy to work around. A
brief moment of slack led to a long period of drought. As I held Toyin’s hand
(in this case, my pen and paper), I knew it had yearned and waited endlessly
for my return.
“Never again would I desert you
for so long a time,” I hugged and planted a kiss. “Never again would I stagger
or stumble on our walk to excellence and fulfillment. No more false steps, no
more slumbers.”
Dear friends, please avoid
procrastination as much as possible. It is an invisible sucker. Little by
little, it creates a gap, takes away your strength and may soon rob you of
self-confidence. Everything in life should be treated like a seed. Once it is
not in the working process of planting and nurturing, it withers away. We can easily develop a casual
it-doesn’t-matter attitude when we fail to do what is expected of us. But the truth is it does matter, first to you
and of course to those who would benefit from that step or actions. So, why not
make that call now, why not tell that person how much you love them, why not
invest in that passion now, why not open that blog, YouTube channel or create
that website? The key is to be consistently consistent, no more sloppiness or
laxity.
There are many Toyin’s needing
attention; a companion, someone who can reach deep into their heart to enhance
their inner strength. Perhaps that would give them the guts to shrug off the
weights that has hitherto held them down, the encouragement to defeat the
growth of cancerous cells. It’s never too late. However, the question that
drills a hole in my heart is: Would you find her when you return?
N.B.
Toyin in this context could be a living or non-living thing.
This article is dedicated to the memory of my late cousin
Oluwatoyin nee Adebanjo who lost her beautiful life to cancer some years ago.
(Story in this article has nothing to do with her).
