THE SULKING GIANT

It was a bright Monday morning, a day dreaded by many as it ends momentary relaxation and ushers in another 5 days of busy-ness. You know what I mean, especially if you reside in Lagos. Early rousing, road traffic, BRT queues, etc, usually accompany the start of a new week.

On this particular day, I prepared for work as usual, then noticed my cousin still on the bed. Are you kidding? "Bros, you should be up," I said gently. "Hey little brother, can’t you feel my pain?", he muttered. "I am depressed hence I've lost the zeal to work." I smiled and walked out to attend to the day's tasks. Very funny how one can hide under the umbrella of a challenge to run from expected responsibility. Yes, he had an issue with his wife but should that be the basis for embracing laziness? Well, he ended up not going to work for a few days and I guess he paid or would pay for it somehow when he returned to work.

Shouldn’t I be concerned about a brother who is going through a not-so-good moment? Yes I am or, perhaps, I used to be but for how long should he embrace disappointments and continue to make excuses for being unproductive? This is a job he just got, not even from merit but out of someone's concern for him, seeing him wasting away in such a pitiful state.  Isn’t it a good platform to therefore launch himself to relevance? For how long would he keep being "depressed"? It’s another week; millions of Naira are about changing hands in different parts of the country while my brother’s best therapy for his poor state is to sulk at home. Brilliant idea, isn’t it?

Humans love to be pitied; we want people to feel the pains we go through, we would always wrap our shortcomings with excuses to make it look good in the eyes of the public. Yes, I do that too (once in a while). Oh, how have great men underperformed, succumbing to the negative unfolding of things around. We pathetically paint the scenario as if it is peculiar only to us in the whole universe, as if it is a new development on the face of the earth. Did the Sun just have a baby girl?

I remember Gideon (in Judges 6). He was meant to be a great man, he was addressed as a mighty man of valour by an angel, a warrior expected to liberate his kindred from oppression. He sat under an oak tree when he was supposed to lead a hungry but winning army to battle. His people were in bondage, they had suffered at the hands of the Midianites for so long. Nothing seemed good about them hence the poor man buried his strength, he never saw himself as good, he accommodated the failure of life orchestrated by their long term defeat. Sadly enough, his fame was only known to the birds that resided in the oak tree. He was popular for nothing, a sulking giant, whose value was worthless.

“And the Lord looked upon him, and said, 'Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: Have not I sent thee?' And he said unto him, 'Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? Behold my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.'"

Excuses! The foreplay that robs us of the pleasures of victories, the dart that pins down our strengths, the bait that inhibits performance and efficiency. What’s yours? Tell me the stories that should bring you pity? Your parents died at your tender age, there was no one to send you to school; your father didn’t shower you with gifts and attention that’s why you became wayward; pretty Juliet broke your heart hence you want revenge on a lot of ladies; you finished with a 3^rd class, you weren’t selected for the interview; there are no jobs in town; you don’t have the capital to start that business; you weren’t born with a silver spoon; your father’s family prevented you from inheriting his properties; you attended a public school; you stammer; you aren’t as beautiful as Agbani Darego; there’s no one to introduce you to the MD of your preferred establishment; you failed the exam, blah blah blah. Please tell me more, dear friends? What is that thing that has never happened to people? 

Even Gideon crumbled at the face of defeat hence he needed a re-orientation by the angel to reposition him to the path of greatness. Are you waiting for an angel to do same for you? Trust me, you would wait taya. What if there’s no one to ginger or 'syche' you up as it were? What if no angel appeared to show you a sign? Would you stick to that appalling situation and continually 'romance' the negative mindset about yourself? The best God would do for you is to speak through your thoughts, His Word or through people. You need to rise up from beneath the oak tree for the journey to start; it is time for the giant in you to take a leap. Like Incredible Hulk, it is time to beat your chest to prove a point. You have got to nail those excuses to the wall for there is no permitted excuse for failure. Seest thou a man diligent with excuses? He shall continually sulk under the oak tree and shall never stand for something. In the words of Donna Krech, "whatever you put up with, you end up with."

True, we have setbacks and limitations in life, but learn to move above them. If God re-orientated Moses to understand that his physical disability (stammering) isn’t enough to stop him from success, believe me, nothing should hold you back. As for me, I know who I want to be and nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to keep me sulking under the oak tree.

I charge you to develop the right attitude always. Let the giant in you drown every self-doubt you have built up overtime. Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success (Donna Krech). The difference between being mediocre and achieving excellence is you (Stephen Richards). I bet the giant in you is now awakened? See you at the top, commanding great success stories like Gideon.

Like the Guiness advert, there is a drop (no, oceanloads) of greatness in every man. Dear friend, I salute the greatness in you!

Written by Olukokun Adedeji

PAINFUL PLEASURE

Love at first sight, a phrase I remember first hearing during my secondary school days. Do people really fall in love the first time they meet or see someone? Nah, certainly not me. I'm not one of those who buy that ideology. Not saying there isn't that 'wow' moment - that moment you see someone and turn again to catch a second glimpse of them; that moment you see them the first time and a craving for friendship immediately leaps in you. (Un)fortunately for me, I recently found myself hooked on one of such moments. I had 'jejely' gone to do my job - cover an event for which I was paid, Lo-and-Behold!, I sighted a beauty made in heaven, one that caught my busy attention to the extent of wanting to catch another glimpse. No one pays a photographer to come admire a certain guest so I focused on delivering an excellent job by capturing the best shots, but still, my concentration waivered every time the damsel passed by. If she had known the magnitude of the torment her magnificent visage caused me, she probably would have stayed off my zone.

Fast forward...some months later, I encountered Lady Paloma at another event, and, amazingly, the same damsel it was who succeeded in swerving my attention at the event a couple of months earlier. Now, she being the chief bride’s maid, I envisaged a more distracting situation as I am guaranteed a close access to the made-in-heaven beauty (and a VIP viewing point). Well, since I am a single guy, I should neither be sorry nor accused for admiring a charming young lady. However, I could not shirk my huge professional responsibility hence I stuck to working rather than wooing. (Or I probably didn’t have the required 'liver' to start a conversation.)  Anyways, we got talking somewhere along the line as the moment of wanting to be friends with such a divinely configured personality eventually resurfaced. Of course, I didn’t let it slip and we exchanged contacts afterwards.

Mo, as she is fondly called, is such an amazing person. She is a take home to mama; a complete lady by the highest standards. She is smart, elegant, eloquent, godly and, of course, very pretty (winks). She is the kind of person you wish to wake up to see beside you every morning. Her thoughts bring up a special kind of smile to one's face. Tell me you won’t be fascinated by such qualities loaded in just one vessel. Mo became the fulcrum of my heart, the pillar on which my emotions rested. But alas! Mo was inaccessible. Many weeks pass, and I see her times without number only in my thoughts. (Yeah, I was able to be with her in my thoughts because 'love at second sight' had left an indelible mark on me.)

Love can be so cruel, especially when the desirable is nowhere near available. But why is the heart so stubborn? Why does it lock itself to pursue a rigid cause, especially when there are many other options begging our attention? Why do our passions embrace that which weakens the heart - that pleasure that is factory-fitted with pain? Why must that which fascinate us require us to make enormous sacrifices? Why does it request for so much? I know you like love stories but before you get carried away by the bliss of my moments with Mo, the pretty best lady, let me quickly make it clear that, this Mills&Booms Intrigue is certainly not the destination of this article.

So I sat quietly at my place of work ruminating, and discovered that there is always an amount of pain to endure for those things that really hold our passion. Ask any successful entrepreneur, artist, music star, etc, to tell you the painful moments and many sacrifices that accompanied the unravelling of their dreams. Things do not just happen by chance; there is always a price to pay. It took me two years to win an election into the exalted position of the 2^nd Vice District President of Leo District 404B Nigeria, just because I had stiff oppositions who were bent on stopping me from becoming what I had so much looked forward and loved to be. Do you know how uneasy it was for Martin Luther King, Mandela, and the rest of them freedom fighters to effect positive changes which they represented all their lives? Except your mother is as rich as Tetuila's who can afford to sponsor your album every now and then, it still, however, does not guarantee if such fame would be long lasting. Whatever ignites your passion would certainly require your attention. It would sometimes take from you your comfort zone and push you to go the extra mile. You can’t be a force to be reckoned with, a divinity, in your chosen profession if you aren’t passionate about it, and, trust me, such passion brings with it elements of necessary discomfort. Ask every leading student in the university how many candles they burnt while others became more intimate with their beds and pillows? Ask every leading athlete how they subjected their bodies to season films of rigourous exercise in order to claim the crowns they so desire. Ask every Nobel Laureate how many notes they tore away before finally churning out the masterpiece. Ask every designer how many times they struggled with several templates before getting the right one. Ask Thomas Edison how many times he tried before inventing the electric bulb; ask how he dealt with the scourge of failure which accompanied his many failed attempts. Try asking Jacob how many years he laboured before he got his true love from the deceitful Laban. For some it requires being rejected by their folks; indeed, some get thrown out of home. For some there is a temporal cease in that steady source of income, while for others it entails taking steps that aren’t too convenient. For some it would require a total abandoning of ideals or routine, while for others it requires investing a fortune in materials and equipment for growth. For a football star, it could be an extra practice; for a student it could be an extra research; for an artisan it could be an extra effort for skill acquisition; for a businessman it could be a prudent non-convenient approach of saving; for Romeo, it could be a little extra patience for Juliet to make up her mind. If it truly arouses your passion, be prepared to endure every burden associated with it. Whatever it is, it doesn’t always come served on an Alaba CD plate. Nothing good, they say, comes easy. And what is cheaply gotten does not last long rather things that are laboured for are certainly well appreciated for a lifetime. If I want to be the best photographer and I am not ready to learn from the trade masters or constantly improve myself by reading my way to excellence, then I am such a great joker. Does it come easy? I bet not.

Dear friends, we've got to go through the pains to enjoy the gains. We must travail to prevail, for without the painful push during a delivery process there can never be a successful birth. Have you ever wondered where the pain goes after the birth of a child? It makes no more sense; the joy of motherhood certainly eclipses it all. Why is a lasting pleasurable future preceded by transient, momentary pains? I guess it is for the occasion to be more dearly memorable. Jesus went through the process and rigours of suffering and death, then he resurrected to enjoy a class, status, and a name never enjoyed by any. Go through it folks, endure the pleasurable pain or enjoy the painful pleasure and see yourself rise to the very top of your game. May you get the prescribed dosage of patience and strength at all times.

Written by Olukokun Adedeji

TIME AND CHANCES

I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither bread to the wise, not yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill;…but time and chances happeneth to them all……ECC 9:11

Everyday looks normal as I read through the sermon note I had jotted in church on Sunday; it is important to position oneself to experience the golden moments that life presents which can only occur when we have learnt to recognize opportunities. In otherwords, everyday is pregnant with its own diverse kinds of opportunities and it’s when we make use of our own life-presented opportunities that we can truly experience our golden moments. How will a Bill Gate succeed if he didn’t plug into the need of fixing the deficiency of the I.T world? Why will a Nelson Mandela attain respect and amass global recognition if he had neglected the freedom fighting opportunities of his kinsmen? Why will an Ali Baba be referred to as the Don if he hasn’t recognized the need for comedy to be an industry in the entertainment circle? Why will an Otunba Gadaffi make the most irritating substance produced by man as a means of livelihood? Time and chances I guess or perhaps I should call it effective use of opportunities lurking around. This understanding therefore helped me to define TIME and CHANCES as the effective use of individual owned opportunities for maximum profiting.

As available diverse opportunities seems to be, do I need to position myself to maximizing them I asked myself still staring at the note as I carefully studied the characters Pastor Sola Osunmakinde had used as examples in the sermon. David, Saul, Ruth, Rebecca all had a common factor on the path of meeting with their chances which was the act of offering selfless service as I had written…(“David took food to his brothers and found out about Goliath”, “Saul went out looking for his father’s ass before he was arranged to meet Samuel”, “Rebecca had gone to fetch water for the house before meeting Abraham’s servant” and Ruth stuck to her mother-in-law and of course Boaz opportunity manifested”)…Then like the flashlight of a digital camera would appear, my eyes opened to the fact that these folks never met their opportunities or chances unprepared.

CASE 1:-Assuming Rebecca had gone to the well to fetch water and had forgotten the drawer at home, wouldn’t she had gone back home to pick it up? Would the stranger have been patient enough to wait for her? And eventually would there have been a discussion?

CASE 2:- What gave David confidence aside the fact that he had so much trust in God? Oooohh, I remember he had killed many dangerous animals with his sling or perhaps his hands in the forest while watching his father’s sheep. What if he didn’t know how to use a sling? Would Goliath have been killed? 

 CASE 3:- What if Ruth got tired to continue with the journey with her mother-in-law?  What if she didn’t have any agricultural experience, would she have gone gleaning in Boaz field? Maybe she would have had to enroll at a fashion school upon their arrival at Naomi’s village in order to make ends meet.

CASE 4:- Why did Kish send Saul to look for the missing ass? Was there no other son or could it just be because Saul was capable and had a track record of successfully executing assignments overtime? What process did Saul use in selecting the accompanying servant? Could he have done a comprehensive study of his father’s servants to know who should be the task partner? No wonder the servant fortunately helped him in locating Samuel the prophet God used in changing his story.

Certainly there was an amount of preparedness prior to the opportunity manifestation presented by each day for the above personalities; an opportunity they never knew was coming.

Have we learnt enough to pounce on the ready available opportunity for growth and manifestation? Are we really positioned, qualified and ready in terms of skills/personal development for the utilization of our time and chances? Have we exhibited the required love and selfless service attribute in our daily quest for survival? ..... All these questions I asked myself as I sat down pondering. Well as you struggle to find the truthful answers to these questions, don’t ask me what my answers and decisions are. However, don’t be surprised if you find out that I wake up one day and decide to resign from work, it could be that I have smelled the aroma of possibilities from far away and I quickly want to position myself by preparing before it catches me unawares…………

God bless the Man of God for that mind blowing message that has helped me in making some decisions I have been afraid of taking, God bless my friends Funmi Olusesan and Akeba Samuel for inviting me to church on this special day(which was my first time inattendance then)……

Yes TIME AND CHANCES indeed happens, but only those who have unconsciously prepared would enjoy its golden moment.


Written by Olukokun Adedeji

SMASH IT

So it’s my friend’s wedding and finally, I am going to be a best man. You don’t know how much I have wanted to do this even if it's just once. I could boast of having been a page boy and one of the groom's men a couple of times. But being the best man? That’s one trophy my cabinet wishes to display. Okay, I turned down being the wedding's official photographer...so what? But then, l was quick to make an alternative arrangement for the job, which at least met my (very high) standards. Therefore, permit me to bask in this momentous euphoria of being a best man for if it took almost 29 years for this one to come, I wonder when the next one would be.

1,2,3,4 and still counting, it seems 2013 is the year all my pals had been waiting for to get married. Should I be scared that I alone would remain unmarried by the start of the coming year? Not really! Even if every of my friends do marry, I am sure a certain Akin omo Akin would keep me company in the Single’s League (and I'm convinced he'd call me names after seeing this...lol). So the list of friends' child’s naming also grew. Hmmm, it seems these guys are sprinting to the point of flying, leaving a very huge gap for some of us to cover. Now for the ones that bought cars? The list was quite large. I paused momentarily to ask myself what was happening to me. I've got no wife let alone kids and I haven’t yet bought a car as I would have loved to. For a moment it looked like I have failed myself using the self evaluation pattern in comparison with my friends’ visible achievements. Jealousy enveloped me (at least temporarily). I was partially embittered; I kicked myself for not having something to at least show off or flaunt. Grrgh!!! My teeth bore the brunt as I ground them against one another.

Then I remembered! My Book of Bible Stories! That thick orange-covered book we read in primary school. I recollect the story of Cain and Abel; both successful individuals in their own way. One was a shepherd and the other a hunter. So there came this period where they had to make an offering, one gave his best while the other gave scrap of his produce. Of course, Abel’s offering was in turn accepted while that of Cain rejected. Foolish Cain got so jealous and angry, he became the first murderer ever recorded for killing his brother (not a super story thriller). 

Many of us are in no way different from Cain. Did I hear you say "I didn’t kill anyone."? You don’t have to but haven’t we silently or, perhaps, openly murdered our neighbour's character whose little edge seemed to be more glaring to the world? One thing I tried to figure out was if Cain had offered the best in his arsenal, would his offering have been rejected? (Certainly a topic for another day). So why the need to murder another for losing out in, allow me to call it, a contest? Did jealousy grow into hatred in Cain's heart so much that he needed to prove a point? Hey! Tell me you don’t get jealous too, willingly or otherwise? Spare me the self righteous attitude; we all do at times (most times for some). We beat ourselves for not having the things others have; we subject ourselves to undue pressure and pain for the successful achievements of others which we seem not to have, forgetting that no matter what, there is something about us to be grateful for. Cain wasn’t a failure in the business sense; perhaps if he had evaluated the reason for his failures in terms of goods sacrifised, he would have made adequate adjustments next time. So also if we search a little more keenly, we would discover we have achieved some great feats, rather than becoming locked in envy because of another’s achievement. 

Just this year, in all modesty, I spent a whopping one million naira on photo equipment; just this year, I thought of some other business concepts; this year alone, I spent more thousands of naira on a change of wardrobe than ever before. I looked at my itinerary for the remaining months and seeing the events I still have to cover, I smiled. So I might not be as rich as Dangote or be a groom like my friends - Odun, Yomco, Sola et al. I may not drive an End of Discussion like my Budgit IT founder friend but trust me, I haven’t been lazy nor have I made insufficient progress. If I have got nothing enticing to flaunt, I know I have got a thriving firm and some great ideas soon to be birthed. Chai!! So why the unwarranted negative feeling called jealousy? 

Priorities of individuals differ and that’s what counts. That someone decides to travel out doesn’t make him better or more successful than those who choose to stay back, after all the gates to nations are certainly not yet closed. Success is relative, hence you can’t and shouldn’t judge yourself with the template of others; you mustn’t place yourself running other people’s race because you certainly won’t win. Judge yourself via the accomplishments you have witnessed in your race and see if you have or haven’t made progress. If the latter is the case, work on yourself and fix the areas which pulled you back and (trust me) in just a short while, you would see yourself shooting up far beyond every Abel you once saw. My point is this: damn the jealousy, smash it into pieces, rejoice with others whose success is evident and celebrated while you finish in grand style the task that has been set before you. If there is something you must always remember, it is the fact that nobody, absolutely nobody, can marry your own spouse, nobody can own your car, no one can run your race. We all have different scripts and in each script there is a different shining moment for all. Break the jealousy, smash it completely and celebrate your proud achievements as you are the best you can ever be.

Congrats to all my friends! You sure would be invited when my time comes. It’s not about who first gets to the finish line, it’s about we all crossing the finish line and being decorated with a shiny gold medal.

Written by Olukokun Adedeji

TALE OF A LOSER

 “We don’t belong to the same category
I silently said to myself.
Imagine him still bedwetting and sucking his hands when I am already the pride of my mother.
I had the best of toys and clothes, the classy type deserving of a prince.
Of course I was also smashing my exams and getting ovations from all quarters
So what’s my business helping my friend to stand?

We grew older and I haven’t still tried to help
Although most of his childhood predicament has gradually disappeared,
Yet our class still doesn’t match.
Was it my fault that he didn’t get the exposure I had?
Well I just want to enjoy the goodies life has presented to me.

Time passed and I discovered things had suddenly changed
Isn’t that my boy living the life I onced lived?
 Could that be him having the special treatment I had always dreamed?
Oh It never crossed my mind that thing do change.
Alas the success achieved by my friend has proved me wrong.
How I wish I am in his shoes
But for me to once again live the big life, I can never tell”.

Growth in life doesn’t come with the same pace. Unlike a race where few comes top and are recognised after crossing the finishing line, life avails us superb opportunities for achieving success which comes at individuals appointed time. Because the best man today also isn’t guaranteed the spotlight tomorrow, it is essential we keep a good character and cultivate a humble habit during our turn on the ladders top.
One dangerous mistake we shouldn’t make is looking down on others during our time of shinning. Yes, nothing they say last forever, therefore your boy today could be a boss tomorrow. Those we show kindness to in our daily quest of living might be the steps we would climb to achieve greatness, so it’s essential we treat people well and respect the unseen king in them. One of the most painful regret a man could face is to see the people he has looked down on attain an enviable position where his help lies, and most times because what wasn’t sown can’t be reaped, such privilege rights can’t be enjoyed. We all know you are the most brilliant and perhaps the better of all, it surely doesn’t guarantee the outcome of things to come. The comfort and happiness that an act of kindness brings could be enjoyed throughout a lifetime.

So many potentially endowed persons cry for our help and attention, many challenged individuals crave for our merciful eyes, and how many of these helping opportunities have we thrown in the dungeon? How many of such faces have we rolled our car glass against? How many have we intentionally shut our doors on? True beauty is never explained by the gorgeous appearance of our physical expression but by the acts of kindness showcased through the inner will. Being a beacon of hope is expressed by the service activities we render to our neighbor and community……….

…………..but if we choose not to see the bright future that lies ahead of those life demands of us to help, then we look down on them at our own peril.

Written By Leo Olukokun Adedeji Oladipo

DISMISSING DISSAPOINTMENT

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me - the glowing moon whose light brightens my path, my priceless angel, more precious than the king’s ornament, more valuable than the finest refined precious stone. You are the definition of glamour, an epitome of beauty. Life without you in it becomes so dry and boring.

My lady, I have been caught in the web of your amazing love. I wish I could still the sun for the world to steal a gaze at you, I bet even the strongest men would melt at your magnificent visage. How I wish I could for few minutes lead the forest's finest vocals to sing of your uniqueness which I so much adore. How I wish I could catch the stars in the sky to knit you a shining garment deserving of a princess.

Bidemi my love, even the peacock’s beauty is a fallacy when compared to the splendor of your appearance. You don’t make the world go round; you make it pause from its rotating state to applaud the royal aura you carry.

Please give me the privilege of being that special one; I wanna be the melodious rhythm of your heartbeat. "Would you please be mine?" I ask, kneeling before the damsel. Blushing and stammering, she struggled to utter a complete sentence: "I, I, I .........."

Bidemi and I met some months back; she was a friend of my very good friend. My concentration skipped the very first time I saw her at an event and straight away I knew she was someone whose magical looks would be hard to pass by. Mother luck smiled at me as we met again at my friend’s place. What do you expect? I put up my best possible attitude, spoke the best of phonetics my agricultural university knowledge could avail me, polished with a not-too-fake accent. I managed to get her glued in conversation, all the while beaming with smiles to keep my handsome mode activated. I needed no prophet to tell me she enjoyed my company as we chatted like two little kids who had just escaped their parents' strict surveillance. We sure exchanged contacts and gradually became very good friends. Just some weeks after, there was hardly anyone who didn’t notice the blossom of our friendship. There was nothing we didn’t do together, from visiting the cinemas to attending events. We also helped each other, even in personal endeavours and, gradually, each one began to admire the other's brilliance. Of course, our friends envisaged the transformation of our closeness to a formidable union and like everyone had concluded, I also imagined that sooner than later we would become a love pair.

So I planned this very special day, selected some of our closest pals to be a witnesses of this golden moment. The clouds were friendly and the atmosphere was right, thanks to the gentle breeze which was so perfectly cool that it exuded a romantic aura. Of course, I had a man around whose sonorous song accompanied by the guitar wasn’t far away from us as we were really locked up having fun at a beach resort on the said day. So I took an opportunity to steal the show asking my admirable jewel if I could become the axis upon which her world would rotate. "Would you please be mine?" I asked, with our friends looking on with curiousity as I played the Romeo role more perfectly than Jack did in the Titanic movie. With tears in her eyes she replied, "Deji, it’s a NO." What!!! I thought a spaceship just fell on me. It looked like one of those Mexican block-busting heartbreak scenes. But alas, it was no movie; I had just been rejected. Tears strolled carelessly down my face, my world was gradually sinking. I wished rapture would just happen to save me from this embarrassingly ugly moment but the world chose that time to reinforce itself as I began to hear nature's symphony even more clearly. My hands found my face, head bowed in agony and a sickly shiver ran down my spine. I manned up and tried kissing the storm with courage. And as I lifted up my head, taking my hands away from my eyes, and as my tear-soaked eyelids parted way for the retina to see reality, I discovered I had just woken up from sleep. So all along I had been dreaming, my body having not gone farther than the four corners of my room.

Oops! With a big sigh, I recounted how I had just gone through a sleepy heartbreak. Well, even if my real life experience was not as brutal as that, I still know what it feels like to suffer a heartbreak, after all I had experienced a real one sometime ago as I had to part ways with the one I admired because of a difference that was beyond our control.

So I have also known how it feels to lose or give up that precious gift that was once in your hand or perhaps that gorgeous person that perfectly fits your dream partner as was the case in my dream. (And, of course, I realised how unfair it was to have broken some hearts in the past). It’s so painful not to have those things you had always wanted to have: that dream job, that certification, that Visa, that appointment, that business deal, that promotion, etc. Some of us had even been privileged to once have them but somewhere along the line they slipped helplessly away like a rolling tyre on a banana peel.

Dear Friends, disappointments and heartbreaks, fortunately or unfortunately, are the fruits life offers as breakfast. Do we however react like a king Ahab whose story we were told in the Bible, who went on sulking and had to agree to his wife's wicked plan of murdering the one who refused to lease him a piece of land? Or do we shake off the disappointment and give out our best like a Moses who having known he would not enter the promise land still diligently played his role in the smooth sailing of his kindred on their journey to Canaan?

Okay, how bad can the case be? Can it be as worse as that of David who as a powerful and prominent king lost his household to captivity at a point in his life despite being a great warrior? So tell me your story. You got sacked, jilted, abused, lost some funds, lost a business pitch or, perhaps, someone dear? Perhaps, the admired “HE” left you for a slimmer lady or probably the lady ported to a richer guy.

Hey, you got to move on, David we were told encouraged himself in the Lord. There has got to be that time where your strength has to rise up from the inside to knock out the darts life disappointedly throws at you. Like in a tennis match, you may have lost the first set, please brace up in time for the second, third or even the fourth set. Be the champion you are meant to be, bounce back using the setback as a motivating platform for shining. No matter how dear the thing we lose is, we must always remember the many gorgeous and wonderful things we are yet to win or acquire. It’s just a phase and the good news is the phase has just passed.

If truly Abidemi said "No" in my dreams, I am sure there's an Idera set to feature in the next episode of that dream and I am certain when next I wake up, it would be with a smile on my face this time around.

It’s past 10pm on the 15th of September 2013; I need to retire back to bed having grown with an un-dissapointing” sleep confidence. See you in the morning in a world where you have completely dismissed and broken up with every past disappointment. Your face looks better with a smile on it. I wish you the very best.

Yours sincerely,

Olukokun Adedeji.

THE JOURNEY AND ITS MANY OPTIONS

THE JOURNEY AND ITS MANY OPTIONS

Oh my God! I screamed in fury, did you just hit my car? What the heaven were you really thinking as I came out of the car switching to an anger mode. Few minutes ago I was nodding my head to the sonorous melodious sound of ASA’s album from my car stereo but this driver was just about spoiling my day by hitting my cherished ride at the back.

Jesus! I exclaimed, “Are you blind or something?” I vent out like an annoyed school teacher. “Where did you get your license from as I continued to flood the guy with series of questions. Thank your stars it wasn’t more than a scratch I told him; else you would have seen the worse side of me.

This is why I hate taking this route, I said shaking my head in disbelief that I had just being a victim of a car bash. Aside from the large influx of Indian hemp ridden miscreants turned drivers that handles the commercial vehicles which form a certain fraction of the major road users, the constant traffic jam plus the rough roads is an experience that bores and repels every driver any day anytime. Navigating the wheels trying to avoid the littered potholes spread on the length and breadth of highways and roads in the country sure makes any happy mind grows weary. Remembering that I would have to take painkillers as a result of the avoidable exercise caused by negligence & improper maintenance of roads got me pissed even more. If my car would survive another six months by constant plying of these kinds of bad roads is a question I sincerely couldn’t find answers to. To add salt to the injury as it is often said, a hugely built traffic jam some few miles afterwards beckoned at me like a marketer would normally do to woo potential customers. No other way to go, no circumventing options and of course the fear of Lastma is another reason I wouldn’t want to make a U-turn.

I didn’t find being in traffic for over one and half hours very interesting as I grew impatient. The only option I had aside from disappearing from the spot if possible is to take a one way; a rule that mustn’t be broken in the many commandment book of Lagos. Yet tired of the “snailous” movement, I decided to play a fast one by taking one-way. Of course you can figure out the rest; I was caught and I paid dearly for it. Add to an already frustrating evening is the fact that I had to plea for leniency; something I don’t like doing. It’s painful that having being a good citizen all this while, I was caught on one of my few attempts to cut corners. It was really painful as I reluctantly handed over the monetary fine charges to the official. What a black Friday it turned out to be as I recount my ordeal from the moment I journeyed home after the close of a hectic day at work.

Who likes Traffic jam? No one I guess, but sometimes we find them on our way and the annoying part is that we often have to go through them especially when turning back isn’t an option. Life at times looks like a journey. The efficiency and quality of good times can be showcased as when the road is smooth and wide enough for a sweet speedy journey, it just like the times we find things working perfectly well; times when that dream job comes our way; times when promotion mixes with an increase in salary; times when that handsome guy pops up the “will you marry me” question or perhaps when she eventually said “yes” to the would you date request; times when the visa finally lands on our passport; times when we come out with flying colours in an examination; times when the business deals clicks; times when the recommendation we have eagerly searched for eventually arrives or when sales just go boom in business. Trust me, no car driven on a smooth road wouldn’t at one point experience the “not so good” periods on the highway. As much as we have the smooth tarred part, so also comes the bashing times in life, times when your someone disappoints you; times when the brilliant proposal you had carefully taken weeks to write is smashed as watery and not good enough. It could also come in the form of an annoying boss or guardian that never appreciates the effort you put into things, it could even come as the charming chocolaty Romeo breaking Juliet’s heart and then we get dented like bumpers do at accident scene. Sometimes the bash might even arise from our carelessness, negligence or procrastination, but no matter how it comes, it still wouldn’t change the fact that getting bashed is not an interesting adventure.

Okay what of pot holes? The ones that patiently waits to spoil the smooth ride. As small or big as they appear, they are known to be a major cause of road accidents. Pot holes in life could come in form of a jealous friend or colleague whom your offense to was just because you had a slight edge over him/her. Yeah pot holes could certainly come in form of distractions; doing the wrong thing at the right time; it could come as a bad company or an unfit relationship. Pot holes could be unwarranted self exaltation or glory in self accomplishment. It could be an embrace of unnecessary praise or inability to walk in love. Pot holes can be weights that slow down a man’s moving ability; it could be little foxes that spoil the vine. Usually pot holes causes imbalance and it’s a proven means of reducing the life span of a vehicle. Even though it wasn’t the driver that made the holes, he has no choice than to maneuver to avoid them when spotted. Knowing what to do, the button to press, the things to say, the places to go determines how well a man would sail through the numerous pot holes life sets on the way.

How sweet a “One way” could be. It sometimes helps us to escape traffic and ease driving stress. However as sweet as it appears, it is known to be a risky and sometimes dangerous thing to do. What if the truck on the right way never saw the oncoming vehicle which broke the rule? It certainly could result in an accident. What if the traffic control officers discover the unlawful act? Then a scape goat is made of the offender for others to learn. Yes life always present a whole lot of shortcuts and many has romanced such ideas times without numbers. Good to some, they are kind of lucky to go unhurt but some others never lived to share the bitter pill. “One ways” are the shortcuts that looks like the real thing, the sugar daddy that looks like a savior, the unlawful “runs” that fetch in more cash; the impatience that never allows for properly settling a difference in a union thereby causing a partner to find succor in another arm in the name of escaping from the partner’s presumed trouble; the bribes given to secure a contract or win a pitch; the lies shared to get a favour; the credential falsification and numerous change in birth certificate. True, shortcuts are a fast option of getting a man to a destination but most times it comes with a huge risk, unrest and pains to the sojourner. Whatever would be they say would be, success becomes sweet when it kisses a perfect timing so it is sometimes dangerous speeding up what isn’t yet suppose or meant to be. Dreams has been crushed, lives has been cut and road has sometimes been closed to short cutters. Imagine a vehicle sent back by a traffic warden to follow the right route, a whole lot of time and resources ends up wasted in the process. Therefore it’s important to always remember there is a fine to pay for flirting with “One ways”.

Traffic jam! Always so frustrating and annoying. It slows you down, causes vehicle over heating in some cases, makes people get to their destination late, makes a driver spends more cash for fueling and no driver seems friendly to allow you move into a queue. Pain engulfs the body after the exercise and it brings a whole lot of “Had I known I wouldn’t have followed that route” tale. As much as we face them daily on our roads, I have never seen anyone got too tired to continue driving hence stopped moving the vehicle to sleep on the road. The destination lays itself on every mind and stirs them on to endure any driving pain. Its therefore very important to keep our dreams alive when we face the “go slow” periods of life, the time when we seem to be expending more resource without getting appreciable returns; the periods when we discover that people aren’t too friendly or available to help us out; the periods when stress and challenges of life overwhelms the body and soul, the times you aren’t called back for a job after going through different steps of screening and interviews, remember you are making progress when you keep moving especially when it’s in the right direction.

Traffic jams gives us an opportunity to buy gala and a drink, an opportunity to see and admire other vehicles or people even in the stress filled state, an opportunity to receive a call or do a ping (Tell me you don’t do it?). So who says the slow movements doesn’t come with some good? There is definitely an element of positivity lurking around the slow periods.

So the road bashing, the potholes and the traffic are major factors that determines how a journey would be but the options we take at different situations determines how well the journey would end. Therefore the options and decisions we take go a long way to determine the success of our journey in the road called life. There is no assurance the roads would always be free from traffic or that it would be smooth without any pothole, the contractor constructed the road but certain factors created the ditches. It’s left to us to make good options by following the directions that best leads to our respective destination. God has a laid down plan for everyone to get to a place of our dreams, for He knows the thought he has towards us which are thoughts of good, we must however be super convinced that the place exist and must keep going on the right track/route even when we go through the “Hold ups”, potholes and bashing of life.

Written By Olukokun Adedeji