THE SULKING GIANT

It was a bright Monday morning, a day dreaded by many as it ends momentary relaxation and ushers in another 5 days of busy-ness. You know what I mean, especially if you reside in Lagos. Early rousing, road traffic, BRT queues, etc, usually accompany the start of a new week.

On this particular day, I prepared for work as usual, then noticed my cousin still on the bed. Are you kidding? "Bros, you should be up," I said gently. "Hey little brother, can’t you feel my pain?", he muttered. "I am depressed hence I've lost the zeal to work." I smiled and walked out to attend to the day's tasks. Very funny how one can hide under the umbrella of a challenge to run from expected responsibility. Yes, he had an issue with his wife but should that be the basis for embracing laziness? Well, he ended up not going to work for a few days and I guess he paid or would pay for it somehow when he returned to work.

Shouldn’t I be concerned about a brother who is going through a not-so-good moment? Yes I am or, perhaps, I used to be but for how long should he embrace disappointments and continue to make excuses for being unproductive? This is a job he just got, not even from merit but out of someone's concern for him, seeing him wasting away in such a pitiful state.  Isn’t it a good platform to therefore launch himself to relevance? For how long would he keep being "depressed"? It’s another week; millions of Naira are about changing hands in different parts of the country while my brother’s best therapy for his poor state is to sulk at home. Brilliant idea, isn’t it?

Humans love to be pitied; we want people to feel the pains we go through, we would always wrap our shortcomings with excuses to make it look good in the eyes of the public. Yes, I do that too (once in a while). Oh, how have great men underperformed, succumbing to the negative unfolding of things around. We pathetically paint the scenario as if it is peculiar only to us in the whole universe, as if it is a new development on the face of the earth. Did the Sun just have a baby girl?

I remember Gideon (in Judges 6). He was meant to be a great man, he was addressed as a mighty man of valour by an angel, a warrior expected to liberate his kindred from oppression. He sat under an oak tree when he was supposed to lead a hungry but winning army to battle. His people were in bondage, they had suffered at the hands of the Midianites for so long. Nothing seemed good about them hence the poor man buried his strength, he never saw himself as good, he accommodated the failure of life orchestrated by their long term defeat. Sadly enough, his fame was only known to the birds that resided in the oak tree. He was popular for nothing, a sulking giant, whose value was worthless.

“And the Lord looked upon him, and said, 'Go in this thy might, and thou shalt save Israel from the hand of the Midianites: Have not I sent thee?' And he said unto him, 'Oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? Behold my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.'"

Excuses! The foreplay that robs us of the pleasures of victories, the dart that pins down our strengths, the bait that inhibits performance and efficiency. What’s yours? Tell me the stories that should bring you pity? Your parents died at your tender age, there was no one to send you to school; your father didn’t shower you with gifts and attention that’s why you became wayward; pretty Juliet broke your heart hence you want revenge on a lot of ladies; you finished with a 3^rd class, you weren’t selected for the interview; there are no jobs in town; you don’t have the capital to start that business; you weren’t born with a silver spoon; your father’s family prevented you from inheriting his properties; you attended a public school; you stammer; you aren’t as beautiful as Agbani Darego; there’s no one to introduce you to the MD of your preferred establishment; you failed the exam, blah blah blah. Please tell me more, dear friends? What is that thing that has never happened to people? 

Even Gideon crumbled at the face of defeat hence he needed a re-orientation by the angel to reposition him to the path of greatness. Are you waiting for an angel to do same for you? Trust me, you would wait taya. What if there’s no one to ginger or 'syche' you up as it were? What if no angel appeared to show you a sign? Would you stick to that appalling situation and continually 'romance' the negative mindset about yourself? The best God would do for you is to speak through your thoughts, His Word or through people. You need to rise up from beneath the oak tree for the journey to start; it is time for the giant in you to take a leap. Like Incredible Hulk, it is time to beat your chest to prove a point. You have got to nail those excuses to the wall for there is no permitted excuse for failure. Seest thou a man diligent with excuses? He shall continually sulk under the oak tree and shall never stand for something. In the words of Donna Krech, "whatever you put up with, you end up with."

True, we have setbacks and limitations in life, but learn to move above them. If God re-orientated Moses to understand that his physical disability (stammering) isn’t enough to stop him from success, believe me, nothing should hold you back. As for me, I know who I want to be and nothing, absolutely nothing, is going to keep me sulking under the oak tree.

I charge you to develop the right attitude always. Let the giant in you drown every self-doubt you have built up overtime. Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success (Donna Krech). The difference between being mediocre and achieving excellence is you (Stephen Richards). I bet the giant in you is now awakened? See you at the top, commanding great success stories like Gideon.

Like the Guiness advert, there is a drop (no, oceanloads) of greatness in every man. Dear friend, I salute the greatness in you!

Written by Olukokun Adedeji

PAINFUL PLEASURE

Love at first sight, a phrase I remember first hearing during my secondary school days. Do people really fall in love the first time they meet or see someone? Nah, certainly not me. I'm not one of those who buy that ideology. Not saying there isn't that 'wow' moment - that moment you see someone and turn again to catch a second glimpse of them; that moment you see them the first time and a craving for friendship immediately leaps in you. (Un)fortunately for me, I recently found myself hooked on one of such moments. I had 'jejely' gone to do my job - cover an event for which I was paid, Lo-and-Behold!, I sighted a beauty made in heaven, one that caught my busy attention to the extent of wanting to catch another glimpse. No one pays a photographer to come admire a certain guest so I focused on delivering an excellent job by capturing the best shots, but still, my concentration waivered every time the damsel passed by. If she had known the magnitude of the torment her magnificent visage caused me, she probably would have stayed off my zone.

Fast forward...some months later, I encountered Lady Paloma at another event, and, amazingly, the same damsel it was who succeeded in swerving my attention at the event a couple of months earlier. Now, she being the chief bride’s maid, I envisaged a more distracting situation as I am guaranteed a close access to the made-in-heaven beauty (and a VIP viewing point). Well, since I am a single guy, I should neither be sorry nor accused for admiring a charming young lady. However, I could not shirk my huge professional responsibility hence I stuck to working rather than wooing. (Or I probably didn’t have the required 'liver' to start a conversation.)  Anyways, we got talking somewhere along the line as the moment of wanting to be friends with such a divinely configured personality eventually resurfaced. Of course, I didn’t let it slip and we exchanged contacts afterwards.

Mo, as she is fondly called, is such an amazing person. She is a take home to mama; a complete lady by the highest standards. She is smart, elegant, eloquent, godly and, of course, very pretty (winks). She is the kind of person you wish to wake up to see beside you every morning. Her thoughts bring up a special kind of smile to one's face. Tell me you won’t be fascinated by such qualities loaded in just one vessel. Mo became the fulcrum of my heart, the pillar on which my emotions rested. But alas! Mo was inaccessible. Many weeks pass, and I see her times without number only in my thoughts. (Yeah, I was able to be with her in my thoughts because 'love at second sight' had left an indelible mark on me.)

Love can be so cruel, especially when the desirable is nowhere near available. But why is the heart so stubborn? Why does it lock itself to pursue a rigid cause, especially when there are many other options begging our attention? Why do our passions embrace that which weakens the heart - that pleasure that is factory-fitted with pain? Why must that which fascinate us require us to make enormous sacrifices? Why does it request for so much? I know you like love stories but before you get carried away by the bliss of my moments with Mo, the pretty best lady, let me quickly make it clear that, this Mills&Booms Intrigue is certainly not the destination of this article.

So I sat quietly at my place of work ruminating, and discovered that there is always an amount of pain to endure for those things that really hold our passion. Ask any successful entrepreneur, artist, music star, etc, to tell you the painful moments and many sacrifices that accompanied the unravelling of their dreams. Things do not just happen by chance; there is always a price to pay. It took me two years to win an election into the exalted position of the 2^nd Vice District President of Leo District 404B Nigeria, just because I had stiff oppositions who were bent on stopping me from becoming what I had so much looked forward and loved to be. Do you know how uneasy it was for Martin Luther King, Mandela, and the rest of them freedom fighters to effect positive changes which they represented all their lives? Except your mother is as rich as Tetuila's who can afford to sponsor your album every now and then, it still, however, does not guarantee if such fame would be long lasting. Whatever ignites your passion would certainly require your attention. It would sometimes take from you your comfort zone and push you to go the extra mile. You can’t be a force to be reckoned with, a divinity, in your chosen profession if you aren’t passionate about it, and, trust me, such passion brings with it elements of necessary discomfort. Ask every leading student in the university how many candles they burnt while others became more intimate with their beds and pillows? Ask every leading athlete how they subjected their bodies to season films of rigourous exercise in order to claim the crowns they so desire. Ask every Nobel Laureate how many notes they tore away before finally churning out the masterpiece. Ask every designer how many times they struggled with several templates before getting the right one. Ask Thomas Edison how many times he tried before inventing the electric bulb; ask how he dealt with the scourge of failure which accompanied his many failed attempts. Try asking Jacob how many years he laboured before he got his true love from the deceitful Laban. For some it requires being rejected by their folks; indeed, some get thrown out of home. For some there is a temporal cease in that steady source of income, while for others it entails taking steps that aren’t too convenient. For some it would require a total abandoning of ideals or routine, while for others it requires investing a fortune in materials and equipment for growth. For a football star, it could be an extra practice; for a student it could be an extra research; for an artisan it could be an extra effort for skill acquisition; for a businessman it could be a prudent non-convenient approach of saving; for Romeo, it could be a little extra patience for Juliet to make up her mind. If it truly arouses your passion, be prepared to endure every burden associated with it. Whatever it is, it doesn’t always come served on an Alaba CD plate. Nothing good, they say, comes easy. And what is cheaply gotten does not last long rather things that are laboured for are certainly well appreciated for a lifetime. If I want to be the best photographer and I am not ready to learn from the trade masters or constantly improve myself by reading my way to excellence, then I am such a great joker. Does it come easy? I bet not.

Dear friends, we've got to go through the pains to enjoy the gains. We must travail to prevail, for without the painful push during a delivery process there can never be a successful birth. Have you ever wondered where the pain goes after the birth of a child? It makes no more sense; the joy of motherhood certainly eclipses it all. Why is a lasting pleasurable future preceded by transient, momentary pains? I guess it is for the occasion to be more dearly memorable. Jesus went through the process and rigours of suffering and death, then he resurrected to enjoy a class, status, and a name never enjoyed by any. Go through it folks, endure the pleasurable pain or enjoy the painful pleasure and see yourself rise to the very top of your game. May you get the prescribed dosage of patience and strength at all times.

Written by Olukokun Adedeji

TIME AND CHANCES

I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither bread to the wise, not yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill;…but time and chances happeneth to them all……ECC 9:11

Everyday looks normal as I read through the sermon note I had jotted in church on Sunday; it is important to position oneself to experience the golden moments that life presents which can only occur when we have learnt to recognize opportunities. In otherwords, everyday is pregnant with its own diverse kinds of opportunities and it’s when we make use of our own life-presented opportunities that we can truly experience our golden moments. How will a Bill Gate succeed if he didn’t plug into the need of fixing the deficiency of the I.T world? Why will a Nelson Mandela attain respect and amass global recognition if he had neglected the freedom fighting opportunities of his kinsmen? Why will an Ali Baba be referred to as the Don if he hasn’t recognized the need for comedy to be an industry in the entertainment circle? Why will an Otunba Gadaffi make the most irritating substance produced by man as a means of livelihood? Time and chances I guess or perhaps I should call it effective use of opportunities lurking around. This understanding therefore helped me to define TIME and CHANCES as the effective use of individual owned opportunities for maximum profiting.

As available diverse opportunities seems to be, do I need to position myself to maximizing them I asked myself still staring at the note as I carefully studied the characters Pastor Sola Osunmakinde had used as examples in the sermon. David, Saul, Ruth, Rebecca all had a common factor on the path of meeting with their chances which was the act of offering selfless service as I had written…(“David took food to his brothers and found out about Goliath”, “Saul went out looking for his father’s ass before he was arranged to meet Samuel”, “Rebecca had gone to fetch water for the house before meeting Abraham’s servant” and Ruth stuck to her mother-in-law and of course Boaz opportunity manifested”)…Then like the flashlight of a digital camera would appear, my eyes opened to the fact that these folks never met their opportunities or chances unprepared.

CASE 1:-Assuming Rebecca had gone to the well to fetch water and had forgotten the drawer at home, wouldn’t she had gone back home to pick it up? Would the stranger have been patient enough to wait for her? And eventually would there have been a discussion?

CASE 2:- What gave David confidence aside the fact that he had so much trust in God? Oooohh, I remember he had killed many dangerous animals with his sling or perhaps his hands in the forest while watching his father’s sheep. What if he didn’t know how to use a sling? Would Goliath have been killed? 

 CASE 3:- What if Ruth got tired to continue with the journey with her mother-in-law?  What if she didn’t have any agricultural experience, would she have gone gleaning in Boaz field? Maybe she would have had to enroll at a fashion school upon their arrival at Naomi’s village in order to make ends meet.

CASE 4:- Why did Kish send Saul to look for the missing ass? Was there no other son or could it just be because Saul was capable and had a track record of successfully executing assignments overtime? What process did Saul use in selecting the accompanying servant? Could he have done a comprehensive study of his father’s servants to know who should be the task partner? No wonder the servant fortunately helped him in locating Samuel the prophet God used in changing his story.

Certainly there was an amount of preparedness prior to the opportunity manifestation presented by each day for the above personalities; an opportunity they never knew was coming.

Have we learnt enough to pounce on the ready available opportunity for growth and manifestation? Are we really positioned, qualified and ready in terms of skills/personal development for the utilization of our time and chances? Have we exhibited the required love and selfless service attribute in our daily quest for survival? ..... All these questions I asked myself as I sat down pondering. Well as you struggle to find the truthful answers to these questions, don’t ask me what my answers and decisions are. However, don’t be surprised if you find out that I wake up one day and decide to resign from work, it could be that I have smelled the aroma of possibilities from far away and I quickly want to position myself by preparing before it catches me unawares…………

God bless the Man of God for that mind blowing message that has helped me in making some decisions I have been afraid of taking, God bless my friends Funmi Olusesan and Akeba Samuel for inviting me to church on this special day(which was my first time inattendance then)……

Yes TIME AND CHANCES indeed happens, but only those who have unconsciously prepared would enjoy its golden moment.


Written by Olukokun Adedeji

SMASH IT

So it’s my friend’s wedding and finally, I am going to be a best man. You don’t know how much I have wanted to do this even if it's just once. I could boast of having been a page boy and one of the groom's men a couple of times. But being the best man? That’s one trophy my cabinet wishes to display. Okay, I turned down being the wedding's official photographer...so what? But then, l was quick to make an alternative arrangement for the job, which at least met my (very high) standards. Therefore, permit me to bask in this momentous euphoria of being a best man for if it took almost 29 years for this one to come, I wonder when the next one would be.

1,2,3,4 and still counting, it seems 2013 is the year all my pals had been waiting for to get married. Should I be scared that I alone would remain unmarried by the start of the coming year? Not really! Even if every of my friends do marry, I am sure a certain Akin omo Akin would keep me company in the Single’s League (and I'm convinced he'd call me names after seeing this...lol). So the list of friends' child’s naming also grew. Hmmm, it seems these guys are sprinting to the point of flying, leaving a very huge gap for some of us to cover. Now for the ones that bought cars? The list was quite large. I paused momentarily to ask myself what was happening to me. I've got no wife let alone kids and I haven’t yet bought a car as I would have loved to. For a moment it looked like I have failed myself using the self evaluation pattern in comparison with my friends’ visible achievements. Jealousy enveloped me (at least temporarily). I was partially embittered; I kicked myself for not having something to at least show off or flaunt. Grrgh!!! My teeth bore the brunt as I ground them against one another.

Then I remembered! My Book of Bible Stories! That thick orange-covered book we read in primary school. I recollect the story of Cain and Abel; both successful individuals in their own way. One was a shepherd and the other a hunter. So there came this period where they had to make an offering, one gave his best while the other gave scrap of his produce. Of course, Abel’s offering was in turn accepted while that of Cain rejected. Foolish Cain got so jealous and angry, he became the first murderer ever recorded for killing his brother (not a super story thriller). 

Many of us are in no way different from Cain. Did I hear you say "I didn’t kill anyone."? You don’t have to but haven’t we silently or, perhaps, openly murdered our neighbour's character whose little edge seemed to be more glaring to the world? One thing I tried to figure out was if Cain had offered the best in his arsenal, would his offering have been rejected? (Certainly a topic for another day). So why the need to murder another for losing out in, allow me to call it, a contest? Did jealousy grow into hatred in Cain's heart so much that he needed to prove a point? Hey! Tell me you don’t get jealous too, willingly or otherwise? Spare me the self righteous attitude; we all do at times (most times for some). We beat ourselves for not having the things others have; we subject ourselves to undue pressure and pain for the successful achievements of others which we seem not to have, forgetting that no matter what, there is something about us to be grateful for. Cain wasn’t a failure in the business sense; perhaps if he had evaluated the reason for his failures in terms of goods sacrifised, he would have made adequate adjustments next time. So also if we search a little more keenly, we would discover we have achieved some great feats, rather than becoming locked in envy because of another’s achievement. 

Just this year, in all modesty, I spent a whopping one million naira on photo equipment; just this year, I thought of some other business concepts; this year alone, I spent more thousands of naira on a change of wardrobe than ever before. I looked at my itinerary for the remaining months and seeing the events I still have to cover, I smiled. So I might not be as rich as Dangote or be a groom like my friends - Odun, Yomco, Sola et al. I may not drive an End of Discussion like my Budgit IT founder friend but trust me, I haven’t been lazy nor have I made insufficient progress. If I have got nothing enticing to flaunt, I know I have got a thriving firm and some great ideas soon to be birthed. Chai!! So why the unwarranted negative feeling called jealousy? 

Priorities of individuals differ and that’s what counts. That someone decides to travel out doesn’t make him better or more successful than those who choose to stay back, after all the gates to nations are certainly not yet closed. Success is relative, hence you can’t and shouldn’t judge yourself with the template of others; you mustn’t place yourself running other people’s race because you certainly won’t win. Judge yourself via the accomplishments you have witnessed in your race and see if you have or haven’t made progress. If the latter is the case, work on yourself and fix the areas which pulled you back and (trust me) in just a short while, you would see yourself shooting up far beyond every Abel you once saw. My point is this: damn the jealousy, smash it into pieces, rejoice with others whose success is evident and celebrated while you finish in grand style the task that has been set before you. If there is something you must always remember, it is the fact that nobody, absolutely nobody, can marry your own spouse, nobody can own your car, no one can run your race. We all have different scripts and in each script there is a different shining moment for all. Break the jealousy, smash it completely and celebrate your proud achievements as you are the best you can ever be.

Congrats to all my friends! You sure would be invited when my time comes. It’s not about who first gets to the finish line, it’s about we all crossing the finish line and being decorated with a shiny gold medal.

Written by Olukokun Adedeji